The realization that I’m unemployed has finally kicked in. I don’t know how many of you have been out of work for a period of time, but I’m sure those of you that have, know the feeling. The first few days, you figure “everything will work itself out, everything will be just fine”. Then a couple of days after that, you sit in your room, thinking “what the fuck am I going to do now?” I’m at the latter point. There have been points in my life where I didn’t really care that I was out of work, because I always had someone to depend on to get me through it. This time however, I don’t really have any “safety blanket.” I mean, the place where I’m staying isn’t owned by a real estate company, it’s owned by my roommates’ mom, so I don’t have to worry about getting booted out, but I will have to pay any back bills. That’s something I don’t want to do. Anyway, what I meant by the security blanket thing, is that I don’t have a home to go back to, nor do I have a parental figure to bail me out. I have to get back on my feet, and fast, or I’ll be fucked. The worst part about it all is that my life was finally going in a direction that I wanted it to. I was making good money, potential for more was almost guaranteed, and I was going to get out of the shithole I live in, and on to greener pastures. I was also planning on getting a new car, and now this. There is a proverbial roadblock in front of me, and I can’t seem to get past it. It always ends up this way too. I’ll be going somewhere, just to get smacked down, and just when I seem to get past all of the bad times, they’re back. It’s really fucked.

I did some of the things I planned to do today. I got my check in the bank. I paid my rent. I took my buddy around to do his errands. I checked out the unemployment office’s webpage, but my internet connection kept fucking up, so I have to check that out again later. I didn’t do my laundry but it’s ok. There’s always tomorrow when you don’t have a job. I also bought a couple of cds (probably a stupid decision, but I don’t give a shit). I picked up the Misfits “Collection I”, and the new Guttermouth cd, “Eat Your Face”. They’re both pretty good. Guttermouth’s sound has gone back to it’s former glory, and although their older stuff is still better, it’s not a waste of money like “Covered in Ants” or “Gusto.” Although I do love the song “She’s got the look” on CiA. Anyhow, the cds made me feel a little better about my deplorable situation, but they definitely aren’t making me any money. I know what you’re thinking too, about how I’m sitting on my ass here talking about shit and not doing anything about it. Well fuck you for thinking it. I know damn well that sitting on my keister isn’t getting me anywhere. I have plans. Friday is my day for everything to happen. I’m getting a job at one of those places I mentioned last post. If not, then I’ll go through the unemployment office’s leads. I’ve got my feelers out there dammit. And now, I sound like a fucking retard because I’m arguing with myself about what I’m not doing.

At this time I don’t have any inspiration to work on this site, aside from these blog type entries. Maybe when things start going better, I’ll have more (better shit) to say.

Jesus christ, I’m falling into bad habits already. I’ve been unemployed for a couple of days, and I already can’t go to bed at a decent time. Then I sleep until noon and I feel like shit for most of the day. I need a job badly. I didn’t get much accomplished today, on account of it being a holiday. I was supposed to go to the bank, start up my unemployment, pay a couple of bills, get my tire fixed, and do my laundry. Yeah, I didn’t get much done. I woke up around 12, and got ready. My girlfriend came over for her lunch and we went to wendy’s and got some food. I then took her car back home and pulled my flat tire off of my car. My buddy Drews called me and so I picked him up on my way to the bank. I get to the bank and realize that it’s a holiday, so I didn’t do anything there. Luckily, I had bill money in the bank already, so I used that to pay for my new tire. I just have to go to the bank tomorrow and deposit my last check, so that I have money to cover my bills. I also have to give the landlord rent, so that I don’t have to worry about paying that if I don’t have a job by the first. Anyway, I went to Pep Boys after that to get a new tire. $65 later, I had a new tire mounted on my rim, and I was out. We went back to my house from there, and I put the tire on. It’s a pretty decent tire, so hopefully it lasts a while. I have another tire that’s starting to go bald, so I might have to invest in another one pretty soon. After that, me, Drews, and Howard played some ps2 games until Howard left to go to his girlfriend’s house. Afterwards, me and Drews and my girl watched a couple of movies. First up was “The Chronicles of Riddick”, which was a complete waste of time. The movie had some intense fight scenes, but Vin Diesel is a terrible actor, and the story was confusing as fuck. I must have missed something important, or there’s some other source for info on the movie that I don’t know about, but the movie didn’t do a good job of explaining itself. After that we watched “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy”. I own the latter, but Drews hadn’t seen it, so we gave it a spin. It’s not Will Ferrel’s best work, but still a funny flick. After that we fucked around with my computer for a while, and he just crashed out a little while ago. I just plan on finishing this up, and going to bed myself as well.

So tomorrow is going to be a more productive day if I have my way. I need to go to the bank and deposit that check, along with getting my laundry done, and hopefully getting my unemployment started up. With that in place, I can at least rest assured that my bills will get paid. Then it’s either getting a job and dropping the unemployment, or possibly getting some sidework under the table to bolster my funds. We’ll see about that. My roommate Chris told me today that the Stater Bros. in Perris is having interviews on Friday, so we’re going to check that out. From what I was told, they’re hiring for overnight stocking positions. I’ve done that before at Wal-Mart, and it’s not to bad, except for the fact that crack heads usually work the night shift. Anyway, when I was at Pep Boys, one of my old co-workers also mentioned that she had heard that the Lowe’s distribution center in Perris is hiring as well. They start at like $11.75 or something like that. So when we go out there on Friday I’m going to check that out also. These are jobs I’m already somewhat qualified for, so it may be a start of something new. I’m also checking into other construction jobs (through friends and whatnot), but I haven’t heard of any openings so far. Drews is crashing here tonight, and he also told me that he has some things he has to take care of, so we’ll be running errands all day. That’ll keep me busy and moving at least. I just have to stay productive. No falling into slumps of inactivity. That just makes you fat and lazy, and in my opinion, I already have enough of both of those qualities.

My site is not being read by enough people and I can’t figure out why. I’m doing exactly what I’ve done in the past, and I used to have quite an audience. I think one of the main problems is that only one of my friends still maintains a webpage, and I don’t even know how to get ahold of him. Our little webring or “circle of friends” has been broken for quite some time. That was at least a beginning of a reader base before. I also used to be in a few webrings that don’t exsist any more, and for some reason I don’t get hits from search engines. I remember getting tons of hits that way before, but not anymore. I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. Anyway, I found a couple of directory websites that I listed my page on (see link at right), and that may help out a little. We’ll see I guess. I think I’m finished here for today. I’m tired.