It’s that time again, for more of my picks for the NFL in another edition of By the Numbers!

Last week my success rate ended up being a bit better than the week before, so I’m hoping to steadily improve. This season has been incredibly hard to predict thus far, I mean who saw a tie coming out of the Panthers and Bengals game? Not this guy. Still, the week before last I correctly predicted 9 out of 15 games, and this last week I improved to 10/15. If I keep it up I’ll be correctly predicting them all by the end of the season. But it’s a new week, and there’s more to predict. Here’s my take on week 7 of the 2014 season:

Thursday Night
New York Jets vs. New England Patriots

HA HA HA. The Jets have been on a skid for weeks now, and the Patriots are looking like their old selves. There is no way in hell the Jets win this, and the TNF blowouts will continue, for at least another week. Brady’s gonna throw 4 touchdowns. Geno Smith might match him in interceptions.

Verdict: Patriots 31, Jets 7

Sunday
Atlanta Falcons vs. Baltimore Ravens

I didn’t want to count the Falcons out this year. I feel like they’ve been a good team since acquiring Matt Ryan. They don’t got it this year though, and the Ravens have returned to form. In this battle of the dirty birds, those with the black feathers are going to take it.

Verdict: Ravens 21, Falcons 10

Tennessee Titans vs. Washington Redskins

In a clash of two shitty teams, the Titans will make the Redskins look halfway decent. I know, I know, that’s hard to do, but I think it’s going down that way. Look for a close game but the skins win it.

Verdict: Redskins 17, Titans 13

Seattle Seahawks vs. St. Louis Rams

A couple of weeks ago, I would have called this a blowout win for the Seachickens, but after watching Dallas walk all over them, I think Seattle is going to be challenged. The Rams aren’t a good team by any stretch, but they have been known to upset their division rivals. I still think Seattle wins, but there’s a good chance of an upset here.

Verdict: Seahawks 21, Rams 17

Cleveland Browns vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

This would traditionally be a snoozer game; one in which no one cares about the victory because neither team has a win yet. But this year, well the Browns might have finally put together a decent team. We all know they’ve had enough high draft picks in the last decade to craft a good team. I think they steamroll the Jaguars here, since they’re struggling as usual (despite having an equal amount of high draft picks).

Verdict: Browns 27, Jaguars 3

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Indianapolis Colts

This will be a challenge for both teams. The Bengals have been good enough to be playoff contenders for a few years now, and the Colts have been doing equally well with Luck as their QB. I foresee a shootout, but the Colts take the cake.

Verdict: Colts 35, Bengals 31

Minnesota Vikings vs. Buffalo Bills

This one is tough to call because both teams are coming off losses and are probably hungry for a win, and are still trying to prove themselves as teams with shakeups at QB. I’m giving the edge to the Bills, because a Vikings team without AP just isn’t the same.

Verdict: Bills 17, Vikings 10

Miami Dolphins vs. Chicago Bears

I know the Dolphins don’t want to drop two games in a row, especially to two NFC North teams, but it is what it is. Cutler will be able to contain himself and actually throw balls to his own teammates this time around. Da Bears.

Verdict: Bears 21, Dolphins 13

New Orleans Saints vs. Detroit Lions

Another tough one to call. In years prior it’s a go-ahead Saints win. The Saints aren’t playing like themselves this year though, and statistics don’t really lie. Those that start off as bad as they did rarely make it to the playoffs. I think the Lions stun them.

Verdict: Lions 24, Saints 20

Carolina Panthers vs. Green Bay Packers

I was actually expecting this to be a really good game because of how the Panthers seemed to be a great team last year. This year they seem confused. I still think pocket passer with mobility > read option QB regardless of our record vs. Kap and Wilson. Our D has stepped up big in the last few weeks. Offense is firing on all cylinders. GO PACK GO.

Verdict: Packers 28, Panthers 17

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Diego Chargers

People are raving about Rivers, and yeah he’s pretty good. I still don’t think the Chargers have made it far enough into the season to really say they’re going places. They’ve started hot and fallen flat many times before. At this point there’s still time to lose momentum. The Chiefs are a good team, no matter what people may say. I think it’s time for SD to lose another game, and to someone not named Manning.

Verdict: Chiefs 27, Chargers 20

Arizona Cardinals vs. Oakland Raiders

Yeah the Raiders making the Chargers look sorry last week still doesn’t make me think that Arizona will lose to them. Despite having a number of quiet years (since Warner retired really) the Cards have been building steam recently. You know what that means? Steamrolled Raiders.

Verdict: Cardinals 31, Raiders 6

New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys

I want Dallas fans to get off their high horse. So you have a great run game and some decent defense. You still have Tony “I throw more interceptions than there are cows being branded in my state” Romo. He will fuck up, and you will cry. The rest of us will laugh. After all, Dallas is “Eli’s house.”

Verdict: Giants 24, Cowboys 16

Denver Broncos vs. San Francisco 49ers

Any opportunity for Colin “the nose” Kaepernick to lose is a good day for me. I know one too many obnoxious 9er fans. The Broncos’ Achilles heel might be the Seahawks who have a similar build to the 49ers, but I think they’ve learned enough from the past couple of losses to Seattle to put SF to bed. Good night, and may your Beats headphones keep you from hearing the boos.

Verdict: Broncos 42, 49ers 21

Monday Night
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

Oh boy, another dull game on Monday Night. Let me tell you a story, Mr. Schedule-maker-for-the-NFL-guy, PRIME TIME should be saved for GOOD TEAMS where there’s a chance of a COMPETITIVE GAME. This is B-league shit right here. The Steelers aren’t what they used to be and the Texans are still 2nd best to the Cowboys, and who likes them anyway? Meh. I guess the Texans win.

Verdict: Texans 17, Steelers 13

I think I was sufficiently more snarky this week. You’ll have to let me know if that is more entertaining than the more passive, just-the-facts presentation of previous weeks.

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