By The Numbers: Week 15, 2018

Apparently all it takes for the Packers to get a win is for the head coach to be fired and for me to not watch the game. I’m not sure which of these things is more responsible for the win, but I’m sure it’s most likely due to the fact that the Falcons are pretty shit this year and nothing more. The Packers are in rebuild mode, and at this rate it would probably be better for us to lose more games than we win just for higher draft picks, but at the same time, there are some stretch goals that could land us in the playoffs despite the fact that I doubt it will really happen. Basically we would need to win out for the rest of the season, and a few teams need to lose a few games for it to come to pass. I have my doubts about that miracle, but if it happened I’d still think that we wouldn’t make it past the Wildcard round. Whatever the case, I’m still mainly writing this column just to have a better overall score than last year, so let’s get on with my picks from last week:

Titans 27, Jags 21 – Correct
Bills 21, Jets 10
Panthers 28, Browns 7
Packers 21, Falcons 20 – Correct
Texans 30, Colts 17
Chiefs 35, Ravens 24 – Correct
Patriots 28, Dolphins 13
Saints 30, Buccs 21 – Correct
Redskins 24, Giants 19
Chargers 27, Bengals 14 – Correct
Broncos 28, 49ers 21
Cowboys 24, Eagles 20 – Correct
Steelers 31, Raiders 3
Rams 35, Bears 24
Seahawks 21, Vikings 17 – Correct

This week’s scoreline: 7-8
Season score: 115-101

My season score keeps getting closer and closer to a 50/50 split, because honestly it’s impossible to make picks that make sense. You’d think that shitty teams would lose to good teams, and then the shitty teams manage to get wins anyway. The Packers still have the same record as the Browns and what the fuck is going on in the universe?? Anyway, let’s make some picks for next week and see what happens, shall we?

Chiefs 28, Chargers 21
Texans 24, Jets 13
Browns 21, Broncos 20
Falcons 24, Cardinals 21
Ravens 23, Buccs 20
Lions 21, Bills 13
Packers 27, Bears 14
Bengals 17, Raiders 12
Cowboys 20, Colts 10
Redskins 19, Jags 14
Dolphins 17, Vikings 13
Titans 14, Giants 10
Seahawks 30, 49ers 16
Steelers 27, Patriots 20
Rams 35, Eagles 20
Saints 30, Panthers 23

I’m reaching with some of these picks, as logic tells me that some of these teams couldn’t possibly beat their opponents, but at this point you can literally roll the dice to find winners. Here’s hoping that my off-meta picks manage to be right. As I figure I’m still 14 correct picks over my incorrect ones, so if some of these longshots actually pay off, I’ll come out ahead. As I said I’m not holding my breath for my team to make it anywhere this season, so at least I can be a winner when it comes to this column. Fingers crossed an all that, we’ll check in again next week and see how I did. Maybe I’ll get really lucky and these off-beat picks will come true and my team will sneak their way into the playoffs? Time will tell.

Until next week.